Cape of Monologuing Wondrous Item – Legendary “And now, I shall reveal my master pla–” “–CUT HER FACE OFF! AAAAAA!” Time out! How often has

Brush of Happy Little Clouds Wondrous Item – Rare There are no mistakes, just happy accidents. Whoever holds this quaint little paintbrush, can cast the

Ring of *Splat* Wondrous Item – Rare   “You wanna piece of me?”   A ring that smells of rich cinnamon and sweet fruit, creating

Hat of Sorting Wondrous Item – Rare   Three times per day, the raggedy old Hat of Sorting can be placed upon a creature’s head

Boots of The High Ground Wondrous Item – Very Rare   You: “It’s over, I have the high ground!” Them: “…Nuh uh.” You: “Bro, if

Googly Eyes of Sentience Wondrous Item – Legendary   If these walls could talk…perhaps they could point you to a secret entrance! You stick the

Egg of Seeking Wondrous Item – Rare “What an eggscellent and eggsquisite artifact, we can’t eggnore or eggscuse its ability to eggsecute. Indeed we must

Slippers of Hopping Wondrous Item – Rare Fluffy and warm, these slippers add 10 feet to the base jump distance of the wearer, even from

BearBackPack Wondrous Item – Rare Perhaps the cutest Bag of Holding, the BearBackPack has a pouch in its tummy that can hold up to 500

Saber of Light Wondrous Item – Rare “Take this, it’s a powerful weapon of heroes…” “Neato!” “…But you must be very careful, for many—” “—AGHHH!”

Microphone of The Host Wondrous Item – Rare A relic of Kebert Xela whose quick wit made them the most sought after host in the

Brick of Torture Wondrous Item – Rare You gulp as you pass rooms of torture equipment. You wonder what horrors they’ll bestow upon you…the iron

Calvinball Wondrous Item – Rare When the holder of the Calvinball touches it to a susceptible creature, the creature must succeed on a charisma saving

Bouquet of Hope Wondrous Item – Rare You’re lonely, who isn’t? Sure, murdering helps pass the time, but you’ve always thought about settling down and

Invisible Shake Weight of Strength Wondrous Item – Rare “…It’s not what it looks like.” This ancient training device is imbued with magical energy after

Indestructible Fruitcake Wondrous Item – Legendary While most desserts are made to be eaten, or thrown in the face of a grump, fruitcakes were invented

Cane of Candy Wondrous Item – Rare In the Peppermint Forest on Candy Mountain, all the townsfolk gathered to sing their whimsical holiday songs…when the

The Missile Toe Wondrous Item – Rare Hello, adventurers. Look at those ogres, now back to me, now back at the ogres, now back to

Globe of Snowing Wondrous Item – Legendary A relic passed down from Follicus, Lord of Clouds and Mild-To-Severe Dandruff, the Globe of Snowing may be

The Mine Sweeper Wondrous Item – Rare This device was once used by foot soldiers in the battle to kill Tyme: a tyrant who enslaved

Red Shirt of Doom Wondrous Item – Rare “Captain! We’ve lost ninety percent of our troops!” “What?! Impossible! Higgins, you ordered the new uniforms in

Box of Soap Wondrous Item – Rare The room falls silent as you step upon the Box of Soap. Now elevated one foot higher, you

Pizza of Eternal Heat Wondrous Item – Rare A familiar and enticing smell wafts from this cardboard box. As the lid opens you are overtaken

Nose of The Clown Wondrous Item – Rare Clowns. Once thought to be entertainers, but everything changed when they were revealed as servants of darkness

Clicker of Subtitles Wondrous Item – Rare It’s believed this magnificent device was once used by the Gods to gaze upon different dimensions, but it

Person of Inflatable Tubes Wondrous Item – Rare Packed up to the size of a briefcase, the Person of Inflatable Tubes is perfect when you

Glove of The Turkey Wondrous Item – Rare You turn left down an alleyway, dead end. As the guards close in you slip on the

Friendship In A Bottle Wondrous Item – Rare Once the most fearsome and ruthless of sentient pirate ships, The Bloody Barter was cursed to live

Coconuts of Haste Wondrous Item – Rare Over the hill, you hear galloping, the thunder of a thousand mighty steeds charging to battle. And as

Frame of Freezing Wondrous Item – Rare “Time out!” You yell directly into the Frame of Freezing, which oddly hovers in place. Suddenly the entire

Armor of Plot Wondrous Item – Legendary   Fall off a cliff? Submerged in lava? Find yourself between a mama owlbear and her cub? Nothing

Pod of Casting Wondrous Item – Rare   You have interesting things to say and it doesn’t seem that hard, why not start using a

World’s Best Mug Wondrous Item – Rare   The Captain scoffs, “You? You could never lead an army!” At that moment you pull out the

Buds of The Ear Wondrous Item – Rare   While you wear the Buds of The Ear, you gain advantage on all perception checks related

Book of Plot Twists Wondrous Item – Rare   “Blorgus the Bloody was about to land a fatal strike, but suddenly, he was overcome with

The Bucket of F**k It Wondrous Item – Legendary   Once a Bucket of Cleaning, this device was used to quickly clean items using prestidigitation…at

Lawyer In A Can™ Wondrous Item – Rare   You’ve destroyed your Book of Faces, you’ve hit the gym, now it’s time to lawyer up.

The Attraction Note Wondrous Item – Rare It looks like an ordinary journal, but upon touching it, a heavyset genie in only a diaper appears

Chalk of Hiding Wondrous Item – Rare   “Higgins? Where’d the body go?” “Oh, it’s right over…well, it was right over there…” “Higgins?” “Yeah Sarge?”

Ring of Finger Guns Wondrous Item – Rare   You lock eyes with Todd from accounting. Between the two of you is the last cruller,

Sweater of Wholesemity Artifact   In the beginning, as the worlds were wove through the planal loom, there remained many strands of kindness. These remaining

Sponges of Growth Wondrous Item – Rare   These little capsules expand rapidly when they come into contact with liquid, creating a life-sized animals made

The Funny Bone Wondrous Item – Rare   Legends say the Funny Bone was carved from the remains of the fearsome Grebletorius, King of Dragons,

Seal of Approval Wondrous Item – Rare   This little ceramic seal pup is enchanted to wriggle and flump around like the real deal, but

Monkey Wrench Wondrous Item – Rare   A curious item, the Monkey Wrench can be used to magically mend an inanimate object through the delicate

Pen of Vapor Wondrous Item – Rare   Holding this pen in your mouth and breathing in allows you to project a thick cloud of

Elephant of The Room Wondrous Item – Rare   While this little wooden elephant can fit in the palm of your hand, loudly announcing your

The Password Wondrous Item – Legendary   You hear a whisper from a language long forgotten, this is The Password. It acts as the key

Comb of Beardmancy Wondrous Item – Rare   While the Comb of Beardmancy touches your body, you can grow and retract a foot of facial

Vampire Bat Wondrous Item – Rare   During the day, this appears to be an ordinary bat, but as the sun sets, a pair of

Accordion of Kindness Wondrous Item – Rare   Invented by one of the weirdest bards in the multiverse, any performance check made using the Accordion

Cookie of Fortune Wondrous Item – Legendary   A scrap of paper pokes from the Cookie of Fortune. As a bonus action, you may remove

Cloak of Bigfoot Wondrous Item – Rare   Woven from the hair of the most elusive and reclusive folk heroes, this cloak was previously worn

The Bob of Apples Wondrous Item – Rare   Crafted by the world-renown Grandma Smith, this dark red toupee frames your face nicely and is

Putty of Might Wondrous Item – Rare   Hi, Milly Bays here for the Putty of Might, the easy way to fix, fill and seal

Fin of Foreboding Wondrous Item – Rare   Something lurks beneath the surface of the crowd. It grows closer and closer until BAM! You’re face

Chain of The Wallet Wondrous Item – Rare   When the world was formed, the Gods declared that clothing could never be both practical and

Pendant of Papermancy Wondrous Item – Rare   Wearing the Pendant of Papermancy allows you to control paper and paper products. As a bonus action,

Sheet of Costume Change Wondrous Item – Rare   This sheet allows you to quickly change into a new outfit. To activate, raise the Sheet

Beads of The Goose Wondrous Item – Rare   Every day you wear the Beads of The Goose, the next morning you will poop an

Bolts of Frankenstein Wondrous Item – Rare   While technically they are the Bolts of Frankenstein’s Monster, everyone knows what you’re talking about and you

The Sword of Pac Wondrous Item – Rare   The Sword of Pac can be found at the center of a vast labyrinth crawling with

Blanket of Fortitude Wondrous Item – Rare   This small blanket was created by Theodore Bear to comfort troops during the Happy War of Fluffy

Scissors of Running Wondrous Item – Rare   While you hold the Scissors of Running, a cutting edge magical item, you can use your bonus

The Pumpkin of Headlessity Wondrous Item – Rare   While holding this pumpkin with two hands, all those who look on must make a wisdom

Helm of Thoughts and Prayers Wondrous Item – Rare   Wearing this helmet lets everyone know you’re empathetic and you can always be counted to

Grenade of Many Things Wondrous Item – Rare   First shalt thou take out the pin. Then, shalt thou count to six, no more, no

Sand of The Pocket Wondrous Item – Rare   You’re attacked, but in your pocket is the most tactical weapon any fighter could ask for:

Clip of Annoyance Wondrous Item – Rare   Touching this cursed clip instantly installs it in your soul. While under the influence of the Clip

Spectacles of Undergarment Illusion Wondrous Item – Rare   Description The wearer of these spectacles will see all humanoid figures only in their undergarments. They

Boots Made For Walking Wondrous Item – Rare   These are the Boots Made For Walking, and that’s just what they’ll do. While you wear

Horn of Leeroy Wondrous Item – Legendary   Description In ancient times, warriors would gather before epic battles to plan their attacks. Before one such

Ring of Vigor Wondrous Item – Rare Description You live an action-packed life, you kick ass and party until the sun rises, so isn’t it

Gloves of The Mime Wondrous Item – Rare   As the wearer slips on these gloves, they gain the ability to conjure forth an invisible

Basket of Endless Breadsticks Wondrous Item – Rare   The white cloth of this basket hides an immense treasure: unlimited sticks of bread. While they

Wand of DAMIT (Distractions And Minorly Inconvenient Thoughts) Wondrous Item – Rare Mass produced, this item was crafted by an assembly line of underpaid, alcoholic

Trilby of Resplendency Wondrous Item – Rare   The wearer of this dashing and stylish trilby can do one of the following actions once per

Pants of Parachute Wondrous Item – Rare   This most triumphant piece of clothing lets you fall with style. The wearer of the Pants of

Wand of Gallagher Wondrous Item – Rare   The bearer of this wand harnesses a tremendous amount of power, all of which is funneled into